I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
