that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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