Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
