Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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