Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize