is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
