I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
