If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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