Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
