But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
