The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
