My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I could fuck to npr.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
