Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
