i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
