even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
