Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
