I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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