listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize