please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How naked do you want me to be?
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