Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ok first of all what the fuck
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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