I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize