In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
