I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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