I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
