YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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