he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
