I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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