You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
