dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
