She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
