guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
