Define "chronic" masturbator.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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