it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
