I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
