He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
