His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
