you traded sex for a burrito?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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