Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
