kristin has been a bad kristin
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
