haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
