I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
