I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
