Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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