Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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