I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize