i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
