I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
