Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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