I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
