I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
