she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
