Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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