In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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