are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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