no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
