No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
