I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the condom got lost in my hair
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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