So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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