billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
