does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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