she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
