Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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