Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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