you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
