what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
