dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
