He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
