I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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