I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
