I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
