mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
