We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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