Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
