I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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