I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
