i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
