Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
