College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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