Sponge bath it is.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
