Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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