Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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