never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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