I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
