THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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