Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
