i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
