i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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