Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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