Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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