Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize