Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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