You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
