When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
