I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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