oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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