I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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