there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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