I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
