this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
