i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize