we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
