apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
