thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
