I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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