the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
