sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
