Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
zippers are such a cool invention
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
