Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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