shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
