she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
