I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize